Only One.

This is my own chance at this life.  This is it.  I never know when it will come to an end.  And at the end of the day, what do I want to leave on this world?  And in the end, what do I want to feel and receive from this world?  This world that is so full of infinite possibilities – and yet, how to choose?

There has been such a stirring within me lately, more than ever before.  I find myself teetering between complete inner calm and chaos.  I will go from pure content to a fiery desire for more- now!  I sense deeply within my being that there is so much more that I want to contribute to, to see, to do, to experience, to be a part of. 

This is my chance. This is it.  I find myself deeply examining everything about what I choose to surround myself with – and it is always a choice.  The people, the thoughts, the environment, it all.  I find myself wanting to step away from everything – social media being a huge part of that – and yet, at the same time I am truly aware of the profound impact it can have on one’s life.  And not in a bad way – but in an influencial, powerful and amazing way.  To be inspired by so many people on this planet – most I wouldn’t even know about was it not for the web.  People that have ideas, thoughts and aspirations similar to mine  - and perhaps more importantly, people that don’t – and those are the ones that I am learning the most from.

Learning how to spread my wings and speak my truth while being bold and aware enough to fully comprehend and surrender to the knowledge that, just as I am passionate to the core about something, it doesn’t mean that everyone will be.  While at the same token, being present enough within myself to still speak that truth that burns hot within me, and not be afraid of judgement or criticism – and instead, to walk with it; to add it to my pile of tools and gifts that I always carry around with me.

Being fully aware that that is just what we all are to one another – a gift.  This is something that is so deeply ingrained in my thoughts and heart.  I have had the deepest acknowledgment as of lately that, just as we are often blessed with the sight of a sudden shooting star or a rainbow in the clouds, so too are we blessed with every day interactions with fellow human beings.  And just like these sudden glimpses of nature at its finest, some of our blessed interactions are quick and fleeting, however they leave a deep impact on us.  I have never heard someone say: “did you see that shooting star last night?  Man, that was terrible.”  If we could all actively CHOOSE to see the beauty in every situation, in every interaction, maybe we would be able to easier see that they are all gifts.

Even the ones that leave us feeling weighed down, miserable or upset – they are gifts too.  How else would we know the true beauty and blessing of feeling loved without feeling the other side? How else would we grow and learn, mostly about ourselves, without feeling the residual effects of an interaction in our life that we see as “less than” ideal?

Mostly these last few months, I have become deeply aware of my thoughts and the patterns within them.  I am learning to accept those patterns that don’t serve my well-being – but instead of invoking harmful self-talk, I am kind to myself.  I accept the thought pattern for what it is – a previous coping mechanism – and then I give myself full permission to let it go.  To remind myself that it is no longer serving me – and by golly, it is truly working. 

I never fully know where this blog will take me – or my beautiful readers.  I have thought, more times than I can count, to just let it go.  But, something keeps pulling me back to it.  And instead of fighting it, I am following that pull.  For something that started 6 years ago with the intention of releasing feelings, as well as informing others, on our families well being, it has evolved deeper than that.  And while some of you know that I have actively made the decision to exclude my kids from any sort of social media, I keep coming back to this beautiful little space. 

I have struggled in the past with frustration at myself for not being a better communicator through the spoken word.  It is something that has been a fear of mine, for more reasons that I previously allowed myself to acknowledge.  Mostly, I tend to get tied up in the emotions of the spoken word, the energy within the interaction (which is a good thing!) – and it leaves me feeling like a blabbering mess, which, more often than not I am kicking myself later for not being more able to speak my truth.  While this is something that I am fully aware of and am working on improving, it has also been a huge blessing for me as it has allowed me to appreciate and utilize my ability at speaking my truth through writing.  This is, I believe, the main reason that I am so drawn to these pages – I can speak my truth fully and completely, in a way that comes natural to me.

And so, while we all weave along on this journey of life, it is my deepest desire that we are kinder during our interactions with each other.  Not that we have to agree, for some of the best conversations come from civil disagreements, but rather that we can co-exist and speak with love and gratitude to one another.  Regardless of what you may have been conditioned to believe, I feel that we are all on an equal playing field.  We all have the same amount of hours in a day, all have goals, desires, fears and struggles.  We all know what it feels like to be excited, to be disappointed, to be loved and to be disliked.  We all know the rich feeling that comes from a heart felt embrace, a deep conversation and a deep sense of gratitude.  Mostly, be kind to yourself.  Give yourself permission to have mental breaks, to step away from toxicity, and to truly step into your authentic self.  We only live this life once.  Make it a great one.