Today I am reminded that life is fleeting. This is not a foreign concept to most of us
however, how often do we really stop to truly absorb the true meaning of this
powerful notion. I honestly feel as
though this thought – and further, this true sense of knowing – is what is
motivating me to move forward, to inspire, be inspired, create, learn. This deep knowing that, at any moment in time
I will be a memory on this earth and the people still on it. While it is an absolutely terrifying notion –
it is also one that I have been deeply aware of for the past year and half or
so.
I know this because I can recall exactly when it began for
me. My apologies if I have already
talked briefly about this, however I feel the deep need to mention it
again. In our area there lived a
wonderful woman named Nicola Jones who was a news broadcaster. She lived a life that was full of gratitude,
connection and inspiration. She passed
away at a young age, after a health battle.
Even though I did not know her personally, her life affected me
profoundly. I recall attending a yoga
class at Moksha in Dundas, Ontario where all proceeds went to her service. I recall being utterly swept away with
emotions during the end of class – sadness, gratitude, the desire to live a
fuller life. And then I experienced a whisper
of a tickle on my arm – at the moment that I was contemplating taking my yoga experience
to the next level ( becoming a yoga instructor). I immediately enrolled to
begin my training in January of 2015.
And I experienced guilt, especially at the beginning of
training – my thoughts went a lot like this: “I hope Al is ok with the kids –
how could I leave them all weekend?!” “How are we going to pay back this loan
for this??” “What if I am not a good enough teacher at the end of this to make
money?” – and I went around in circles.
Long story short, by the end of the training, my guilt had
vanished. My self-worth began to
increase. My love of yoga
intensified. My love of my body and what
I was putting into my body grew. And you
know what? Al did wonderfully with the
kids all those weekends I was away. I
have also made back what it cost to train as a yoga teacher very quickly. And now, I am beyond honoured and blessed to
lead some amazing souls through their Monday evening practise.
And then not long after that training finished, I began my
university student experience at McMaster University. And truly I have not felt a shred of
guilt. What I have learned already since
September has truly enhanced my experience as a mother, wife, and fellow human
being - through taking lectures in sociology
to anthropology and indigenous studies.
I have a deep desire to continue my studies, eventually earning a degree
in which I can fully make the impact on this earth that I have always hoped and
desired. And that has all come from
laying in savasana a few days after a fellow mama’s passing. A fellow woman with hopes and desires and commitments
and goals. A being on this planet who
inspired and was inspired. In that
sweaty hot yoga room I was reminded of something profound: it is never too
late. We are never too old or not smart
enough or don’t have enough time or can’t find the resources. We get from this universe exactly what we put
out there. I truly believe that.
And so. In this
fleeting, often hectic, sometimes disheartening but always inspiring world, it
is my deepest hope that I always remember to create – manifesting my desires,
new friendships, art (in its many forms), deep connections and above all, my
soul purpose(s). I think there is
something very assuring and inspiring in knowing that we all have an impact on
this earth. And what I have learned in
the last year and a half or so is that, in order to fully step into our
amazingness, our truth and our purpose, we need to be open to it. Fully open.
Not just sort of open to it, kind of afraid of the changes that will be
required, but rather fully, beautifully and authentically open.
Often lately I have this image of myself that will appear
out of no where, where I am standing with my arms spread wide, my head flung
back and my heart fully exposed. I am yelling,
with my soul: “I am ready to step into my full self!” No more waiting for the “right” moment, more
money, to be done school first, to have a more secure job, etc. NOW is all that we have – and it is all that
we will ever have.
I used to think that I couldn’t wait to be done school, for
many reasons but mainly to inspire my kids.
While that still holds truth, it is no longer truth #1. My full, authentic truth is this: I can’t
wait to finish school to fulfill a deep desire of MINE. I can’t wait to walk across the stage and be
able to soak in an enormous amount of self-love, respect and appreciation. I will succeed because I believe that I
will. But first, way before that day, I
will take in all the lessons, the experiences, the tools along the way. Oh, and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to also see
what the professors know. ;)
All my deepest love on this windy Tuesday morning.
Please be kind to yourself – and patient, and loving – you are
coming home to yourself. xo
A blurry but still beautiful partial view from my window today. So blessed.
