The freshness of a crisp, white piece of paper in my
journal, the potential in a blinking cursor on the computer screen - that is bliss to me. The chance to start fresh, in that moment –
while at the same time, starting off from where I left off. Such is life.
Every day is a fresh, new chance – and opportunity from the lessons we have
learned. The lessons are all around
us.
Every encounter we have, decision we
make or even a thought that may seem to last even a split second – they are all
lessons. They are all part of this
beautiful web of life – a web that is full of twists and turns, ebbs and flows,
bumps and smooth patches.
We could be
seen as that beautiful spider (which is a big thing for me to say as they give
me the heebie jeebies – but who’s to say that we don’t provide spiders with the
same effect?), this miracle really of a creature who patiently, softly,
delicately spins the most perfect web.
The web in which they will catch their food, catch some zzzz’s and
possibly birth babies. To them, that is
enough. That web, full of life, purity
and I would even say hope, is enough.
Our life could be thought of as our web. This glistening, intricate, often messy but
always functional (even on some level), profound life.
This blog, this very first post, these words, are my first
string of a tiny side web that branches off of some of my other connecting webs
of my life. A place where I can share my
fears, hopes, concerns and love for myself and for everyone else. I choose to start fresh because it’s
time. It’s time for me to leave behind a
very beloved blog that started almost 5 years ago. It will stay tucked away safely for my
reading (and crying) pleasure. I am
learning that what I choose to write about and share on these pages should be
about the one and only person that I have full discretion to write about. It is not my “duty” nor is it my “right” to
write about anyone else, regardless of my good intentions. We are all sacred, amazing and wholesome individuals. All I can write about for sure is my
experience in this crazy, amazing, wonderful web of life.
I hope that you join me.
I truly hope that this blog reaches a part in your hearts – whether it
be because what I am saying and feeling may resonate with you, or maybe even
the exact opposite. I am sharing. I share my life, my thoughts and my
experiences with you because deep in my soul I feel that that is what we are
here on this earth to do.
I feel compelled to share a quote by Deepak Chopra in his
book The Spontaneous Fulfillment of
Desire (thanks dad!):
“Nothing would exist were it not for a remarkable set of
coincidences. I once read an article
describing the Big Bang Theory that gave birth to the universe. In that moment the number of particles
created were slightly more than the number of antiparticles. These then collided and annihilated each
other, filling the universe with photons.
Because of the initial imbalance, there were a few particles left after
the annihilation and these created what we know now as the material world. You and I and the rest of the universe,
including all the stars and galaxies are leftover stuff from the moment of
creation.”
He then goes on to
speak about how if the number of particles had been even slightly greater,
gravitational forces would have caused the universe to collapse on itself.
If the number had been even a tad lower,
the universe would have expanded so fast that there would have been no time for
galaxies to form. So the fact that I am
writing this, that you are reading it, that we are living and breathing on planet
earth in this universe is such a miracle – a coincidence.
This final quote of his really speaks to me: “Just because we cannot observe miracles
the way we marvel over magic tricks – with instantaneous gratification – does not
mean that they are not occurring. Many
miracles take time to be revealed and appreciated.”
You are a miracle – you have light and love and lessons to teach.
This is something that I am learning myself, over and over
again, because I tend to not get this lesson very easily. The lesson of Self-Love and Apprecation. I recently had a bit of a cry during my third
day at Yoga Teacher Training as I struggled to explain my guilt and apprehension
of attending these amazing, life changing classes –even though I know it’s a
part of my soul work. The pressure I
have put on myself to be using my time away from my family with something that
makes money is ridiculous – and I know it – however I still struggle with it.
(Just keepin’ it real here). While, for
me, there is a huge sense of fulfillment and pride in pursing my heart’s
desires, along with that comes a huge sense of guilt. It seems like such a paradox, and yet here
those feelings are, riding this wave of Yoga Teacher Training together. One of my deepest, most intimate hopes for
this amazing training is to become one with myself. To be at peace with every decision I have
made. To have a deep sense of love and
worth for myself. This is something that
I have struggled with for as long as I can remember.
I was the person in
the hall at school that made a point of moving out of the way for other people,
afraid of being a nuisance to someone
and still at the same time, was very aware and sympathetic towards those that I
also saw doing the same thing. Perhaps
that’s a part of the lesson. Those folks
that have low self-esteem, trying to “fit in” (although I am seeing now that
that doesn’t exist) and want desperately to be liked – I get them. I am them.
Perhaps in the grand scheme of things, we may all be a little bit.
And then it goes full circle – the deep realization that we
are all here for each other. Spinning
webs, riding waves or travelling down windy roads – whichever visualization
works for you – alongside each other.
While our own journeys are that – our own – there is something so truly
awe-inspiring and really quite beautiful in the visual of all of us, banded
together, in this world – this beautiful, miracle of a world.
Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for taking the
time to check out my new, fresh and hopeful blog. It means the world to me. Truly.
